Depressed and Disappointed.....

Everyone hopes to be the best in anything. Praised and recognized by others. This is a part of nature. Living creatures love and hate competence at the same time. It is because competency makes sure that only the winners survive. Losers will be eliminated from live. However, not many people willing to sacrifice for their aims in their lives. Hence in our life, the number of loser is far exceeding winners.

Do you grade yourself as winner of the life or loser of the life? I used to grade myself as a very top winner in my life. Now, I grade myself as a loser. I was not serious in my university life. I did not study at all. I put entertainment and leisure before my academic. Friends' invitation served first, then only my assignment. This is what i meant "not willing to sacrifice".

I almost miss up all my classes which start at 8am because of my "unwilling to sacrifice my bedtime". I burn midnight oil to do my assignment at very last minute and thus unable to wake up in the next morning even though I have two alarm clocks with me. I have disappointed so many people. I am disappointed with myself too.

Furthermore, these last few weeks of the first semester had made our lives so hectic and tensed up with the Problem-based Learning(PBL). I was trying to prepare all my PBL during the Raya holidays but I was admitted into hospital due to fever and diarrhoea. I spent half my holidays there. My health condition has declining recently. I have not recovered from diarrhoea yet. It's time to return to the previous healthy lifestyle. Sleep earlier and wake up earlier.

I am highly-depressed and disappointed with myself. I do want a good result and praised by lecturers like others do. Well, i cant imagine a normal people who want to be scolded instead of praised. But, the problem is I failed to do so. I promise myself here, from today on I will not do the same mistake again and I will focus in my study. I will give my full commitment in my study. I will also change lecturers' impression towards me.

It is time to walk out of the depression and failure. I want successes and I will make sure I have them by whatever means and sacrifice necessary.

PS: Puan Sitha, I am sorry for always being late and I will never repeat it again.

My Ambition V. Everything I Possess

I have been hoping and wishing to become a doctor since I was young. I had myself well-prepared for the career of a doctor. I started studying science since I was 7 and I had majored in Biology since I was in Form 1.Whenever people asked me "What is your ambition?". Without any hesitation and doubt, I would answer "I want and I will become a doctor.".

I was disappointed when I failed to get Medicine for enrollment into university. I am from a small town and news spread fast in small town(even faster for bad news). Everyone is gossipping how I did not get Medicine in markets and kopitiam. Before the customers ask for the price,they ask whether the shopkeepers have heard about my news. If the shopkeepers haven't heard about it,they would be happy to tell them. By the way,they are going to tell again even if the shopkeepers have heard about it........ My mother said she did not know how to respond or answer when her friends( aunties who held MEETING in markets) bombard her with questions......

Well,actually I just got a scholarship offerred from Japanese Embassy. I could accept the offer and study in Japan for Medicine. I was hoping to get the scholarship so much, but now that I had got it, I somehow hesitate and decide to reconsider it again. There are reasons I should take the offer and there are reasons not to.

WHY I SHOULD TAKE THE OFFER
1. I will have a chance to experience a different life which not many Malaysian have.
2. I will learn Japanese Language which is an asset to me in the future.
3. I can persue the field that I am more familiar and have dreamt for so long.
4. I can study the whole course for free and have monthly expense for RM 4201 + -

WHY I SHOULD NOT TAKE THE OFFER
1. If I fail the Japanese Language Test that I will study for the 1st year, I would be asked to go back M'sia with nothing. I will lose my current Law course too.
2. Even if I completed my degree and I want to come back to M'sia and work, I have to take many paper tests which are not easy. Besides,there are many obstruction set up by government to protect local doctors from overseas' doctor's competition.
3. I have to study for 7 years(MEDICINE) there. I jus have to study for 4 years(LAW) here.
4. Finally, I love my friends here and I think I can't afford to lose them. I will miss them so much.

So, I am really in a dillema now. Should I go? Or shouldn't I go? There are some friends who ask me to study there. Some hope that I would stay. Some do not care much and they just said " follow your heart.". My family members also hope that I will take up the offer. My own decision? Ermmmm,I don know yet.

Sometimes I am really disappointed with M'sia's government. I was born and raised up in M'sia. Though, I cannot get any offer from our government. It is the Japan's government that willing to give me a chance to persue what I want. M'sia government always claim that our people prefer to contribute and work for other countries other than their own country. A piece of my advice, before pointing finger to other people,think......." why they don't intend to work in the place they were born and raised up?". Then our government can solve the problem easily. M'sia government has already provided us for so many years in studies and many other affairs since we were young. Why refuses to contribute for our high education and let many of us disappointed and bear resentment inside us? Isn't it irrational? They disappointed people at the last stage, then people are going to disappoint them as well.

If I was offered the course of Medicine in my own country, I will not take any offer from other country(even from Howard University). Then I am going to work here in my own country,serving those who were also born and raised up on this land.

Anyway, Malaysia, Happy 52-nd National Day. I still love you. Hoping you can keep on progressing and thriving well. Good luck.

Too Late In Everything.....

Seem like I'm the last one to do everything......

I'm the last one to get enrolled into UKM......
I'm the last one to enter and post my "speech" on this blog......
I'm the last one to pass up my homework.......
Why I'm the LAST one in everything????

Is it because I'm not as clever as other?
Or because I'm slow in studying?
Or because LAW does NOT suit me?
Maybe all the answers above stand????

I found the life in UKM quite hectic. I seem like very busy. But when friends ask me what program i've joined. Yet, I could only reply them 2......
Only 2.
Then, here comes the question "Why?"
Why I look so so so busy?
I think it's because my time management is not very good.....
Yeah, that's why I failed to organize my activities,

So, I should improve my time managing lo^^

Hahahaha!!!!!

By the way, there is one thing I managed to be the FIRST.
That is I became the first one to sleep in Prof Sakina's class.(sorry...I was too tired(T.T)/)
I was punished to do exercise in front of class......and run circling the kuliah room.....
So shame..... Hahahaha!!!!!!

But so far....
I like UKM.
I love Law's Faculty.
And I love everyone I've met.
All my lecturers and all my friends.
Thanks to you all...
I LOVE you all.