I cannot run and I cannot hide. After a while since the last final examination, now I will be seeing them again. The worst about it is the nemesis that was hiding all this time has returned. Whoa...sounds like a science-fiction movie. But what I refer as the 'nemesis' is actually my stressful state of mind because the final examination is just around the corner. The stress consumed my life and as the result, I can no longer see colours of university life because in my mind, all I have been thinking is the final examination.
The stress gives me headache. I kept on worrying and wondering that accompanies me during my revision. Questions like "can I get a desirable achievement for the exam? can I maintain my pointer during the whole 4 years so that my scholarship will always be provided for me each semester? Can my parents get what they had hoped for?" mingles around my mind and caused severe stress for me. There is something strange about me. I tend to bottle up the stress and my problems. It is often said that we better share our problems with the others. But I just refused to do so even though I know, it would affect my studies and my health as well. I think the main problem is I did not trust my heart. My heart says I can cope up with the studies. But my mind keeps on doubting my heart. In the end, my mind conquered my heart and eventually, my soul.
A couple of days ago, I went back home to get blessings from my parents. When i was going back to UKM, my mother told me, " I cannot help you. But I wanted to. All I can do is pray for you." At that moment, the sparkle of tears from her eyes catches my attention, destroying the wall of hesitation that I have in my heart. I can see how she expect so much from me. I cannot let her down. I made an oath to myself. I will try my best during the final exam. And for this stress, I will slice it to pieces at all costs even if I only have a blunt sword in my arm.
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