Apparently, I'm going to the wrong law school.

For a start, please do not panick. That remark was the 1276th times that chant had been going on in my head for a couple of weeks ago. I've come to that stage where I've lost hopes and determination and wanted to quit law school. I remember, there was that one particular night, I was sobbing over the phone calls telling how I can never adapt in UKM law school to my dad. Adding up the pain, with the recurrent fevers I had almost every night that worsened the situation even more. I hate seeing the doctors and getting medical certificate (MC) everytime I've gotten my fever back. The smell of medical centres nauseate me. It's a tedious process but it is vital for the academic purpose record. I wasn't really sure whether those recurrent fevers were just normal ones or maybe they've got to do with H1N1. I was being too complacent about it and couldn't careless and perhaps I should really have paid attention more to my health and stop being too laid back.

Plus, the thought of going to law school sounds queasy at times. I sit. I wonder. I ponder. How can I learn to live a student's life happily reading thick books, analyzing and memorizing cases, practicing legal thinking, and dealing with legal disputes when I'm not really an argumentative person? Don't get me wrong. I do argue, but on the silliest subjects just to reaffirm my girl's power and pride. Come to think of it, one of the major reasons why I choose to read law is, I want to escape myself from studying science-based courses that involve maths, theories, and calculations. I wish I was an ace at those fields yet literally I simply am not. Due to that, I reckon I'm on the right track by opting to enrol law school since I am that type of 'read and memorize' student. Slowly, I realized that reading law to me is like a love-hate relationship. Sometimes it intrigues me, yet sometimes it irritates me.

On a brighter note, I can sense my life is changing from time to time. Time frame might be the best medium to measure whether I've changed positively on the whole and whatnot. As I trace back whoever I was before in my previous learning institution and comparing it with my present learning environment here, I can tell there are vast differences and transformations I've made. Well, maybe to others those transformations seem petty and pointless but to me; likewise.

I have been immersing myself in activities and habits that I have never thought I would engage myself into. Previously, I was too dependent on the lecturers to spoon-fed me. I paid little attention in lecture halls knowing there are always notes given by the end of the class. I took every tutelage lightly. I came to classes unprepared and just waiting to be spoon-fed every single time. My time management was ridiculously awful. I chose to stay up all night long watching midnight movies and having fun instead of holing up in the room, revising casebooks. Going to libraries, sort of stabbing my pride as I don't want to be labeled as a geek. I used internet for the sake of social networking, online shopping, and browsing Perez Hilton. I was oblivious of the fact of political situations and current issues. I presumed Britney's controversial divorce case is much more intriguing than other legal cases. In fact, I was the ultimate late-comer in class, and if I ever showed up a tad earlier, that would be intensely miraculous. I even got a standing ovation from those classmates of mine if I turned out to be one of the early birds. Yes, that awful.

As for now, everybody studies. Everybody shows up early in class. Everybody is securely prepared. Everybody goes to libraries without having to worry being called nerds. Casebooks and law journals are like their religious books and they even chant and whistle statutes and acts like those songs playing on the radio. Observing these kinds of attitudes before my eyes, raised a question in my not-so-legally-minded mind; do I want to be alienated by these legal-minded people by still being the same person as before? I would be a complete fool if I agree to stay put in the same position, wouldn't I? By then, the unexpected transformation occured in my life. It still is occuring without me noticing it. Like I've penned before in my previous entry, changes can be good. They would sound better if they naturally happen without any compulsion from others. Let the changes come within yourself and they'll give you more satisfaction in living up your life. By uttering this, I am not saying that I have changed totally. There are certain parts of me remain the same and to make up for that, there is always a room of improvent for me to do so. If the supreme laws in Federal Constitutions can be ammended, why can't us be changed?

Talk about legal mind.

"Law students do not blog. They b-law-g!"

Heaps of love from UKM Law School.

Till then ♥