The so-called break up letter.

Dear the chosen one,

I have a feeling you knew this time would come. And I have to say that it's not you, it's all me.(The typical I'm-not-that selfish-lines)

You and I have been through months of moments that we shared together and our relationship has been pretty good. Up until now. You never demanded exclusivity and I didn't imagine I'd need to go anywhere else for something I could look up to. It has always been you. But lately, if you have actually noticed, it has been a rocky situation for us both. I noted the fact that we've known each other too well yet that does not suffice much for me to hang on with you. Bits by bits, I'm losing hopes on you and if you ever realized, things were totally different when we first started out. You have always enthralled me and everything felt easy and hassle-free that I assumed my previous life with you was an almost like a bed of roses. So conveniently linked to you and these people around me have always been there as my support system to keep us together still. All I ever had to do was sit back and focusing on you. Not much efforts I had to put, as you obviously can see.

But now? I can see the vast differences. I don't know whether this would come out right or will only worsen the situation yet I can no longer hold it back. I have to let you know that all the passion and enthusiasm I once felt with you are diminishing gradually. I used to look at you knowing that out of all those promising options I had, you'd fit me best mentally, physically, and emotionally. I admit that you used to be everything that I wanted and dreamt of. I enjoyed getting to know you. Every inch of you left me with curiosity that induced myself to discover and explore you more tirelessly. Chosing you boosted up my pride as I know only few souls are that lucky to be with you. You created wonders, hopes, inspirations, and aspirations for my life and made me a better person by being with you. With you, I learned how arguments can be excruciatingly annoying yet fun at the same time. You teach my heart and mind to speak meticulously. I was practically trained by you and having you running in my head daily, never wears me out. I constantly have been told by them that by keeping this relationship with you, I will have a great future that is yet to be unfolded. But in order to actualize that dream, I have to be strong-willed and have a high capability of tolerating you always. Each of your needs and demands despite that will annoy me to the core. Eventhough in the beginning my dad was going against my choice to go for you, I paid no attention because I knew that you won't let me down. Do you still think that this relationship is the best for us? I doubt that.

There are times I can profoundly feel that we belong together but when all these hardship and tests come along the way, my pessimist side is unleashed. At times I neglected you but come to think of how crucial it is to get back with you, I would go and get back on track with you. Well, since you are a very practical person, I bet you need strong reasons on why things are never the same. Firstly, I figured out that you are too clingy for me. You demand way too much time and attention from me. I find it hard for me to spend my time with my family and friends. In fact, it has been forever since I spare a quality time for myself. You have engulfed most of my weekdays routines and lately it has always been you who have been occupying my to-do list. Secondly, no matter how hard I tried to satisfy you, but to no avail. Instead, I always end up in disappointment and parts of me still feel rather unfullfilled. It is like everything I do to bond us back is never going to be enough for you. You complained that I haven't been putting much efforts to make this work. For once, give me a break. I'm just 19 and I deserve to enjoy my youth and not being suffocated with this kind of life commitment. I am not an anti-social hermit breathing under your sleeves. I have another thing I am obliged to focus on to which is called Life. Have you heard?

Thirdly, you are such a control freak. You just can't stop telling me what's wrong and what's right for my life. Mind you, I am mature enough to distinguish that. For whatever grounds you have to warn me with your threats and daunting words, there will always be someone who will disobey you. They don't feel intimidated over you. I am no different, so be my guest. I know this might sound rude, but in the meantime of all the headache and heartache you have given to me. I have to admit, that I've been indulging myself with someone else. Not in a serious sort of way. Hang on, I am not cheating on you. I need to unwind and evaluate myself of what I really want in my life to keep me contented. It's just that I had a thought of how relaxing my life could have been if I were to go back to my first love. The one I've always pictured myself building a long term commitment with. I should have not turned my back on him and realized that by being him, things will be easier and less suffocating. He does not have much for me to discover and to tolerate with as he is a simple creature compared to you. You are so complicated and hard to keep up with. You are just way too much for me to handle on a daily basis. As months go by, things get harder for me and not the other way round and I should be aware of that so that I won't be lost in translation. The thing is, I have been too preoccupied by you that if I ever let you go now, it'd be my greatest mistake. I have ran out of time to turn back to my first love and enjoy the idyllic life with him.

I don't know how much longer I should pretend as if my complacency can withstand the burden you're giving me lately. As much as I don't want to go on living up my life for years being relentlessly drained mentally and physically by you is as much I have come to a conclusion that it's too late to make up my mind and be with someone else. Of all the rantings I wrote here, I still have feelings for you my dear, although they don't feel the same anymore. After days of scrutinizing my future, I believe that we stand bigger chances of still being together. If you can actually try to put yourself in my shoes right now and fathom the dilemma I'm having, I guess this relationship wouldn't be this arduous. Do tell me if I need a change as that's what necessary to keep the relationship going. Please don't let me down again. I've come a long way to reach this stage of owning you. I can't back down as I've made several foolish mistakes in the past and I want you to know that I want to grow old with you and serving our kids and the public with whatever you have taught me about life.

So yes, help me to patch up this broken pieces and redefine our relationship, Mr. Legum Baccalaureus*

Desperately waiting,

Mia M Nor (1L)

*Legum Baccalaureus(LLB)- Bachelor of Law Degree.

1st love-TESL prog.

I apologize for the rantings. The crazy hours of preparing for PBL, presentations, and the upcoming finals that caused me to write this semi break-up letter . Don't worry, I'm still a law student deep down here and I won't settle for less. Please enjoy the video below. It illustrates us, the Law students who pretty much had a 'life' before they enrolled any law schools. :) It will crack your head even more.Enjoy your break and a Happy Eid Mubarak to all Muslims and may you have a good one this year.